The complete set of blonde jokes

Mais umas piadas em inglês sobre loiras ... (não representam de maneira nenhuma a minha opinião pessoal, juro):

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fuc#$% up when they're on their back.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fuc#$%.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys?
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A2: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can understand them.
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: A labrador.
A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fuc#$% by 10 men while on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
Q: Why are blondes coffins triangular?
A: Because when they close their eyes, they open their legs.
Q: What do you call three blonds standing around the Christmas Tree?
A: Ho Ho Ho!